That's what I'm trying to figure out. As I sit here thinking of what to type, it occurs to me how little I have figured out about myself. The more I try to figure it out, the less I have it figured out. Thirty years should be enough time to decide who a person is and what he wants to do with himself. Shouldn't it? I guess not. I am never content with what I have, but I am never certain what I would replace it with. I am a hundred different people every minute. This second, I love you, myself, my job, my boyfriend, my city, my possessions, and the entire world. In another second, I will hate some or all of the people and things on that list. I am the kindest, most thoughtful and generous person you will ever meet, but I am the meanest, most selfish and self-centered asshole you'll meet. There is no way for you to know which person I will be from one minute to the next. I will be your faithful friend and stay in touch with you on a daily basis for months or years, then suddenly, I'll stop coming around, for no apparent reason. I will drift away from you when I get bored or frustrated with the dramas involved with being around you, the dramas which inevitably come from us all by virtue of the fact we are human. Most likely, though, I will drift away from you when I see in you too much of myself. I love you, I hate you, I'm bored with you, I like you, I love you; around and around again. I am awesome. I am a piece of shit. I am a blessing and a curse. A wonder and a travesty. Then again, sometimes I just am. And I feel rather empty most of the time. I use politics and music and television and pop spirituality and cigarettes and substances and various other things to distract from this emptiness, but it doesn't really work. This, my life, my lack of life, my way of life, my lack of a way of life, this cannot be right, can't be healthy.
Oh, and in case you didn't notice, I think too much.
We're just a biological speculation sitting here vibrating and we don't know what we're vibrating about. - "Biological Speculation," Funkadelic
If I had just a little bit of wisdom I should walk the Great Path and fear only straying from it. Though the Way is quite broad People love shortcuts.
The court is immaculate, While the fields are overgrown with weeds, And the granaries are empty. They wear silk finery, Carry sharp swords, Sate themselves on food and drink Having wealth in excess. They are called thieving braggarts.
This is definitely not the Way.
- Chapter 53, Tao Te Ching
"Ah, Harry, we have to stumble through so much dirt and humbug before we reach home. And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is our homesickness." -Hermine, in Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse
"There are as many ways to God as there are created souls." - Muhammad
"Trust in God, but tie your camel's leg." - Muhammad
Tear aside veils of all you see in this world, and you will find yourself apart in solitude with God. If you draw aside the veils of the stars and the spheres, you will see that all is one with the Essence of your own pure soul. If you will but tear aside the veil, you will see nonexistence, and you will see forthwith the true meaning of God's purpose. When you have cast aside the veil, you will see the Essence, and all things will be shown forth within the Essence. If you draw aside the veil from the Face of the Beloved, all that is hidden will be made manifest, and you will become one with God, for then will you be the very Essence of the Divine. - Attar
If you could get rid Of yourself just once, The secret of secrets Would open to you. The face of the unknown, Hidden beyond the universe Would appear on the Mirror of your perception. - Rumi
"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"One who knows does not speak. One who speaks does not know." - Tao Te Ching
"This is our moment. This is our time — to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can." - President-elect Barack Obama